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Hey I like these jokes !!

Ankur Verma

One Early morning a mother went to her sleeping son and woke him up.

MOM: "Wake up, son. It's time to go to school."

SON: "But why, Mama? I don't want to go to school."

MOM: "Give me two reasons why you don't want to go to school."

SON: "One, all the children hate me. Two, all the teachers hate me."

MOM: "Oh! that's not a reason. Come on, you have to go to school."

SON: "Give me two good reasons WHY I *should* go to school?"

;
;
;
;
;
;

MOM: "One, you are FIFTY-TWO years old. Two, you are the PRINCIPAL of the school

Ankur Verma

1) WHY SACHIN HAVE TWO CHILDREN,BUT SOURAV HAVE ONE?.
BCOZ SACHIN HAVE SECRET ENERGY OF "BOOST".

2) Utho... Ye koi sone ka waqt hai...! Jab dekho sote rehte ho,
sari umar so so ke hi bitani hai kya..? Abhi muje reply mat karna "i m sleeping..."

3) There is only one perfect child in the world and every mother has it.
There is only one perfect wife in the world and every neighbor has it

4) THOUGHT FOR THE FUTURE GENERATION-
Don't marry n make a woman happy.
In fact remain a bachelor n make several women happy!

5) Ladka bola Dilruba,
Ladki boli Pizza khila,
Wo bola Paise nahi,
Ye boli -Aise nahi,

Ladka bola-Mehengayi hai,
Ladki boli AAJ SE TU MERA BHAI HAI.
Keep Smiling!!

6) How would a girl refuse HIMESH propose:-O-oo huzur bhar me gaya tera surur,
sakal se tu hai ek khajur, bidi ke factry ka mazdoor, ho ja mujhse dur sale langoor.

7) Aishwarya coke pi rahi thi ki coke me Cheenti gir gayi. Cheenti ka baap Aishwarya ko bola,
jo sun kar Aishwarya behosh ho gayi. "Teri coke me mera bacha
hai...."

8) Wafa se Pyaar mat karna?

Kyo nahi kare..?

Bin maut maare jaaoge..

Kyun..?

Are bhai 'WAFA' OSAMA BIN LADEN ki bhatiji hai...

9) PYAR VYAR to 1 bahana hai.

Ankh mile na mile
LIPS KO milana hai.

Yehi style hai sab ASHIQON ka, kya kare yaar

RAJ KAPUR KA nahi IMRAN HASHMI ka zamana hai.

Nivedh Iyer

A porter loaded down with suitcases followed Mr. & Mrs. Santa to the airline check-in counter. As they approached the line, the husband glanced at the pile of luggage and said to the wife, "Why didn't you bring the piano, too?" "Are you trying to be funny?" she replied. "No, I really wish you had" he sighed. "I left the tickets on it."

Santa Singh sent his bio data to America to apply for a post in Microsoft. A few days later he got this reply:- Dear Mr. Singh, You do not meet our requirements. Please do not send any further correspondence. No phone call shall be entertained. Thanks

Santa singh jumped with joy on receiving this reply. He arranged a party and when all the guests had come, he said Bhaiyon aur Behno,aap ko jaan kar khushi hogee ki mujhay america mein naukri mil gayee hai." Everyone was delighted. Santa singh continued Ab main aap sab ko apnaa appointment letter padkar sunaongaa par letter english main hai isliyen saath-saath hindi main translate bhee kartaa jaongaa.

Dear Mr. Singh-----pyare singh sahab

You do not meet----aap to miltay hee naheen ho

our requirement----humko to zaroorat hai

Please do not send any furthur correspondance----ab letter vetter bhejnay kee zaroorat nahee hai.

No phone call ----phone vone kee bhee zaroorat nahee hai

shall be entertained----bahut khaatir kee jayegi.

Thanks----aapkaa bahut bahut shukriya

Having lost his donkey a Sardarji, got down to his knees

   and   started thanking God. A passerby saw him and asked, "Your

   donkey is missing; what are you thanking God for ?"

   The sardarji replied "I am thanking Him for seeing to it that I

   wasn't riding the donkey at that time, otherwise I would have

   been missing too."

Once a Sardarji was travelling on a train. He felt sleepy

   so he gave the guy sitting opposite him on the train 20 rupees

   to wake him up when the station arrived.

   This guy was a barber, and he felt that for 20 rupees ,

   the sardarji deserved more service. So, when the Sardarji fell

   asleep, the barber quietly shaved off his beard.

   When the station arrived, the Sardarji was woken up, and he

   went home. Reaching home, he went to wash his face, and

   suddenly screamed when he saw the mirror.

   Said his wife " What's the matter?"

   Replied he "The cheat on the train has taken my 20 rupees and

   woken up someone else"

Do u know What Surdarji will do after taking Xerox ?

He will compare it with the original for spelling mistakes !!

6. Do u know what surdarji will do if he wants a white paper ?

(he already has one and he wants one more..) He takes a Xerox of

the white paper !!! )

Once, a Hindu, a Sardar and an American were travelling in an

aeroplane. Suddenly, something went wrong and the engines stalled. They had

no parachutes with them. So all the three of them decided to risk their lives

and jump out of their planes.

   First, the Sardar jumped out. He removed his turban, used it as a parachute

and jumped. Using the turban he slowly floated down. Then the Hindu removed

his dhoti and jumped out. Again his dhoti acted as a parachute and he also

floated down gently. Seeing this, the American removed his shirt and pant

and jumped out.

   Unfortunately, they did not do well as a parachute and he began to fall

rapidly from the plane to the ground. He passed by the Hindu who said

- " May Bhagwan help you".

   Then he passed the Sardar. The Sardar looked at the American zooming past

him and was puzzled. So he said - "I see! You want a race! Let us see who is faster"

Saying so, he let go of his turban.

One great day in Bombay, a couple were on a honeymoon

tour. They saw one sardarji in front of a hospital

(Breach Candy) was trying to fill some form. So the

couple enquired eagerly "What are you doing ?"

Sardarji replied that I

had a baby and I am filling the birth certificate form.

The couple as per

schedule, took the Bombay to Delhi Flight for their next

destination. On the next day, they find the same

Sardarji, in front of Lal Qilla in Delhi filling the

same form.

So once again young couple

curiously asked - "What are you doing here ?"

Sardarji once again replied I had a baby and I

am filling the birth certificate form.

The couple said but

sardarji yesterday you were in Bombay filling the same

form, how come you're in Delhi?

Sardarji cooly replied

It is written here - "FILL IN CAPITALS"

Ankur Verma

gud jokes nivedh i like it

Ankur Verma

itz my 200 post c this n njoy frnds

Pappu Pass Ho Gaya
*****************
TEACHER : What is the chemical formula for water?
PAPPU : "HIJKLMNO! "!!

TEACHER : What are you talking about?
PAPPU : Yesterday you said it's H to O !
*****************
TEACHER : PAPPU, go to the map and find North America.
PAPPU : Here it is!

TEACHER : Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
CLASS : PAPPU!
*****************
TEACHER : PAPPU, how do you spell "crocodile"?
PAPPU : "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"

TEACHER : No, that's wrong
PAPPU : Maybe it's wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!
*****************
TEACHER : PAPPU, give me a sentence starting with "I".
PAPPU : I is...

TEACHER : No, PAPPU. Always say, "I am."
PAPPU : All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
*****************
TEACHER : "Can anybody give an example of "COINCIDENCE?"
PAPPU : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time."
*****************
TEACHER : "George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree,
but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him?"
PAPPU : "Because George still had the axe in his hand?"
*****************
PAPPU : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?
FATHER : No. Why do you ask that?
PAPPU: Well, where did you get this MUMMY then?
*****************
TEACHER : What a pair of strange socks you are wearing,
one is green and one is blue with red spots !
PAPPU: Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair just like that at home.
*****************
TEACHER : Now, PAPPU, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating ?
PAPPU: No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.
*****************
TEACHER : PAPPU, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as yourbrother's.
Did you copy his ?
PAPPU: No, teacher, it's the same dog !
****************
TEACHER : What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer
interested?
PAPPU: A teacher
****************

Ankur Verma

Lawyers should never ask grandmas a question if they aren't prepared for
the answer.

In a trial, a small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness,
an elderly grandmother to the stand.
He approached her and asked; "Mrs.. Jones, do you know me?"
She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you
since you were a young boy, and frankly, you're a big disappointment to
me.
You lie, cheat on your wife, manipulate people and talk about them
behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the
brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit
paper pusher.
Yes, I know you."

The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across
the room and asked, "Mrs.. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"
She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was
a youngster. He's lazy, bigoted, and has a drinking problem. He can't
build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of
the worst in the state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three
different women.
One of them was your wife. Yes I know him."

The defense attorney almost died.

The judge asked both lawyers to approach the bench and in a quiet voice
said:
"If either of you rascals asks her if she knows me, I'll send you to the
electric chair."

Nivedh Iyer

Santa & Banta
Santa Singh was walking on the road and paused to read the graffiti on the wall. It read "Padne waala gadha." Santa Singh thought for an hour, erased it and wrote back,"Likhne waala gadha."

Mrs. Banta Singh was in the habit of having long conversation on the telephone, sometimes going on over an hour. One day she hung up after 25 minutes."What is the matter today? asked her husband. "Today you had less than half an hour conversation on the phone." "I got a wrong number," replied Mrs. Banta Singh.

Banta Singh was in court charged with parking his car in a restricted area. The judge asked him if he had anything to say in his defence. "They should not put up such misleading notices,"said Banta Singh." It said , "FINE FOR PARKING HERE."

A haryanavi peasant came to the office of The Hindustan Times to place an advertisement announcing his father's death. "The rate is Rs. 360 per single col. cm," the clerk told him. "Main to lut jaoonga - I 'll be ruined," exclaimed the haryanavi. "My father was 182 cms tall."

Nivedh Iyer

Two Sardarjis were in conversation on the beach :
Sardarji 1 :Praaji , Ise 'beach' kyo kaheete hai ?
Sardarji 2 : Tumhe nahe pata ?
Sardarji 1 : Nahe pata.
Sardarji 2 : Woh to Aasmaan aur Zameen ke beech mein hai esliye eesai beach kahete hai .

Rajsi complained to his friend about his wife ' My wife never agrees with anything I say. And we have been married for six years .' Mrs Rajsi intervened, ' Not six we have been married for seven years !

A Sardarji, very proud of his humour used to say to his wife leaving for the office : 'Good bye Char Bacchon ki Maa' . One day his wife fed up of this answered : ' Bye Bye, Doo Bacchon Ke Baap'. That ended the husband's witticisms.

Avtar & Kartar used to stay in same building . Avtar on the Ground floor & Kartar on the 25thfloor. One day when the lift was not working, Kartar invited Avtar for a Dinner. Avtar trudged up to 25th floor to find Kartar's flat closed from outside and had a note which read : 'How did you enjoy your dinner ? ' Not to be outdone , Avtar wrote under it, 'Sorry , I could not make it .'

'Take me to the 10th floor,' said Banta Singh as he entered the lift of a high rise bulding. When the lift reached its destination, the liftman opened its gates and said, 'The 10th floor, beta.' 'Why did you call me beta?' demanded Banta Singh. 'I am not your son.' I called you beta because I brought you up,' replied the liftman.

The collector asked Banta Singh for his rail ticket. Banta Singh searched his pockets but could not find it. 'Never mind,' reassured the collector, ' I will take your word that you bought your ticket.' 'That is very kind of you,' replied Banta Singh,'but if I don't find it, I want to know where to get off.'

Santa Singh : 'Look Banta, what type of glasses they have made. The top is closed. How can you fill lassi in it ?' Banta Singh : 'Yes, that's funny. And even if you make a hole at the top, how will the lassi stay in the glass when the bottom is open?'

Sardarji ( to doctor ) : Doctor, I have a problem.
Doctor : What's your problem?
Sardarji : I keep forgetting things.
Doctor : Since when do you have this problem?
Sardarji : What problem?

Nivedh Iyer

good one ankur................!!!!!!!

Nivedh Iyer

some more r gonna b posted soon...........!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ankur Verma

thks dude for appreciating and to all who rated it some will b posted soon

Ankur Verma

teacher and student teachers m srry

When we are in class,

We are STUDENTS!

When they are in class,

They are TEACHERS!

When we write over their writing,

It is OVER WRITING!

When they write over our writing,

It is CORRECTION!

When we gather to discuss,

It is GOSSIP!

When they gather to discuss,

It is MEETING!

When we are in the library,

It is BUNKING!

When they are in the library,

It is RESEARCH WORK!

When we stand outside our classroom,

We are PUNISHED!

When they stand outside Principal's

Office,

They are WAITING!

When we do something wrong,

We are IDIOTS!

When they do something wrong,

They are HUMAN BEINGS!

When we copy from others,

Its CHEATING!

When they copy from others,

Its QOUTING!

If we do no do our work on time,

We are LAZY!

If they do no do their work on time,

They are BUSY!

When we think in class,

We are DAYDREAMERS!

When they think in class,

They are PHILOSOPHERS!

When we are out in the corridor,

We are LOITERING!

When they are out in the corridor,

They are INSPECTING!

When we joke in class,

We are JOKERS!

When they joke in class,

They have a SENSE OF HOMOUR!

Ankur Verma

A Gorgeous Girl walks up 2 Profesor's cabin & says: I'll do anything 2 Pass d Exam.
Prof: Anything?
Girl: Ya
Prof: hmmm
Girl : Ya !!
Prof: Then Go & study...!!
=======================================
There is a small gap between confidence & over confidence.

YOU can kiss your frnd is confidence.
ONLY YOU can kiss ur frnd is over confidence....
=======================================
Y does Waheeda Rehman never changes her saree in the film GUIDE?
Coz Dev Anand says: O mere humrahi, meri baanh thame chalna,
badle duniya SARI, tum na badalna

Ankur Verma

Ek Gadha:- yaar mera malik mujhe bahut maarta hai.

Dusara Gadha:- to tu bhag kyu nahi jata.

Pehla Gadha:- Bhag to jata par yahan future bada bright hai ...
malik ki khoobsurat beti jab shararat karti hai to malik
kahta hai, "teri shadi gadhe se kar dunga...!" bas isi ummeed me baitha
hoon

sankydreams

Another one from me:
Santa goes for interview to become police officer
Interviewer : wat is 2 + 2
Santa : (After calculating for five mins) I think its four
Interviewer : Yes correct. Now tell me wat is capital of india?
Santa : (After thinking for fifteen mins) I guess its New Delhi.
Interviewer : U r again rite. Now tell me who killed Mahatma Gandhi
Santa keeps on thinking for half hour and Interviewer gets fed up
Interviewer : Acha chalo abhi yaha se jao, mujhe baat me bata dena.

Later in the evening, banta calls santa
Banta : So how was the interview?
Santa : Oh it was very gud, i even got my first case!!!

Nivedh Iyer

good.................!!!!!!!!!!!!

anshul sharma

Help.... !!

The Titanic is going to sink....

Everybody in the ship is shouting, crying, running or praying to God...

Just then a Italian asks the nearby Sardarji in the ship.

Italian : How far is land, from here ?

Sardarji : Two miles .

Italian : Only two miles, Then why are these fools making noise. I have got the experience of swimming even more.
The Italian jumps off the ship into the sea and comes up to the surface to ask the Sardar something again.

Italian : Just tell me which direction is land two miles from here ?
Sardarji : Downwards......

anshul sharma

DONT GO IN 5* HOTEL... Y....?????

Q : "What would you like to have ..Fruit juice, Soda, Tea, Chocolate, Milo, or Coffee?"

A : "tea please"

Q : " Ceylon tea, Herbal tea, Bush tea, Honey bush tea, Ice tea or green tea ?"
A : "Ceylon tea "

Q : "How would you like it ? black or white ?"
A : "white"

Q : "Milk, Whitener, or Condensed milk ?"
A: "With milk "

Q : "Goat milk, Camel milk or cow milk"
A : "With cow milk please.

Q : " Milk from Freeze land cow or Afrikaner cow?"
A : " Um, I'll take it black. "

Q : " Would you like it with sweetener, sugar or honey?"
A : "With sugar"

Q : " Beet sugar or cane sugar ?"
A : "Cane sugar "

Q :" White , brown or yellow sugar ?"
A : "Forget about tea just give me a glass of water instead."

Q: "Mineral water or still water ? "
A : "Mineral water"

Q : "Flavored or non-flavored ?"
A : "I'll rather die of thirst

anshul sharma

Boy: suit bada acha pehna hai
girl : Thanx
Boy: lipstick bahut achi lagayi hai
girl : Thanx
Boy: makeup bhi bahutacha kia hai
girl : Thanx "bhaiya"
Boy: fir bhi sundar nahi lagrahi ho

*******************************************************

One day SANTA had a Dream,
that someone killed him.
Next day he closed his bank account.
Why?
Because the bank's slogan was
"WE MAKE YOUR DREAM COME TRUE."

******************************************************

U & I are friend, when u cry, I cry.
When u laugh, I laugh.
When u hurt me, I hurt.
When u jump off a bridge?I m sure going to miss u!

*******************************************************

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